"I should have been married by now"
"I should have had kids by now"
"I should have been making more money by now"
"I should have gotten my life together by now"
There I was on Lincoln Road in Miami, crying to my friends about all of the things I should have done by now. "You life doesn't end at 30," she said, " You are right where you need to be." Those words stuck with me and we continued down the road. That was 3 years ago and today I still feel the same way. Birthdays for me haven't been quite the same since I've turned 30. It hits me at midnight, and I dread another year, thinking of all the things I should have done by now.
The "I Should Have" Syndrome is something I hear in my mind often, especially around birthdays. I've always been the person who would make thousands of post about their upcoming day and how they plan to celebrate, but if I'm honest, birthdays just haven't felt quite the same. Turning 33 may seem like a not so bad year right? Wrong! 33 is what I call my Jesus year. Your Jesus year has to be amazing because he did so much at the age of 33. No pressure at all! First, it's 33 then 35 and before you know it your 40. You then begin to think where has the time gone?
Time has this funny way of either making you feel rushed or left behind. I once saw a movie by Will Smith called Collateral Beauty. In this movie, Will wrote a letter to Time, Death, and Love. I thought what a great idea because writing for me is a way to express my thoughts, so I began writing my letter to time. "Dear Time," I wrote, "If life is more about quality than quantity, then why do I want more of you? Time is said to measure existence, so am I even existing based off of my time on this earth?" My letter went on and on about how I felt about time and concluded that I didn't have enough time to spend writing about time.
When you begin to measure your life on time and all of the things you should have done, you eventually begin to spiral down the wrong road. Those thoughts will overwhelm you and leave you thinking that your best years are already gone. But the reality (which I'm still learning) is that God lives outside of time. The Bible says that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years one day. If I have never been sure about anything, I'm sure that God's word won't return to him void. His word says that he will restore the years, and that includes the years that I feel that I've lost. When I begin to doubt and feel like a failure, I have to remember that the things on this earth that I can see, is like a spec of dust to the things that are available to me that I can not see. That's faith. God's word never fails which means it is outside of his nature to create a failure. You and I are not failures. Never have been and never will be. What God has for will and shall come to past. You don't have to have it all figured out, so don't feel like your on a deadline. There isn't a certain calendar that says you have to accomplish xyz by now. Don't allow yourself to build that pressure.
33 has been said to be one of your happiest years. I believe that 33 will be just that for me. So today I'm going to thank God for another year and reflect on a beautiful and precious moment that forever changed my parent's lives, their daughter.
Whether you are turning 33 or just had a moment where you felt disappointed, God is bigger than any disappointment. You are right where you need to be. When that disappointment began to overwhelm you, don't stay in it long or by yourself. Allow your friends and family to be the ones to carry you even when you can't.
Bonus: There are times when disappointment tries to overwhelm me and instead of wallowing in it, I begin to listen to this song by Bethel Music. I hope that it blesses you as much as it does me.